Lie of being evil, and the truth of love

So, going more into the "norm" which society labels heterosexuality and then the "other," known to be homosexuality, I want to touch on a few things and my past that ties a bit into this. I also want to throw a bit of homophobia with this.

I can completely relate to the upbringing and how people are, what we consider "homophobia," because I once fell into that category as a kid. I was always brought up to be the man, and not cry (masculinity). I also was told what was rite and wrong in the view as majority of the nation as it may seem. I also would make gestures in a negative way and comment about homosexuality. In other words, I was like many heterosexual males.

My whole family brought me up to fear gay and lesbians and that gays have aids, rape, and will take advantage of me if I was alone in an area were I am vulnerable. Obviously, we all know how ridiculous this notion is.

I will also throw this one at you as well. I was also in the group of people who was looked at as gay. I was and still am today a heterosexual male, but what got many people to horas me and call me names such as homo and all the mean jokes about homophobia from my own friends was because I was a competitive ice dancer. I have done this most all my life till I was about 26 and now I will once in a while jump on for fun now. As you can imagine, growing up this could be a little tough, since were I grew up in Texas, people were very conservative.

I finally learned the truth on the gay and lesbian community and how the people really are. I had a new coach who was from England. During my parents divorce, he volunteered to take me under his wing and make sure I was in good care and away from all the issues around divorce I was going through. We did everything together and he really became like my bigger brother. He even enjoyed doing much of the outside things I did such as play sports and what not. One day, many months later, he finally came out to me once he felt it was time. I at first did not believe him since I knew he could not be gay since he was not sick, trying to touch me, or rape me (as I was always brought up to believe)and he was married. Come to find out, his wife was a lesbian and she married him to help get his citizenship. This is probably why he was careful about telling me to soon. I actually got to know him and really enjoyed having him around as a friend. After the initial shock and I finally believing it, I really started to question him about everything since as it was at that moment, everything I thought was far from the truth. I asked how, and he told me that it was not like that and explained it to me as well as many other questions.

After this, I found out most the friends that were his and we hung out with and I enjoyed their company were gay and lesbian. I really started to open up to this and am really glad he opened up my way of thinking and showed me the true side and perspective on this. I would never be able to have had the friends I do now if I never met this guy and still today we keep in touch. He is still with his partner that he met sixteen years ago when I was living with him. They are still as happy as the day they met and very successful as well.

Today I am probably one of the most open minded people and a strong supporter of gay rites. I go to many clubs with my friends and my awesome girlfriend who is just as opened minded as I am. I also have many really close friends that I would never have had if I never met my friends those many years ago. I now find myself truly bless.

So, with all this being said, the views of many in our society and the negative notations towards Lesbians and Gay males, do not only hurt those people that are ridiculed, it also can hurt us as the ones truley missing out knowing some great people. There is a lesson to be learned here and people really need to open up and come together. Do not judge others, and be happy for their happiness. You can look at it this way, those people that some ridicule and do not except know who they are and have figured out happyness. Many people in their shoes and even in the straight community are still trying to figure out who they are. We are all alike in many ways and no one is better or less of a person because of their sexual orientation.

To be Disabled...Masculinity and Sexuality and true identity.

So, we went over disability and race as well as sexuality and masculinity. I figure I will try to go over some if not all. I can not help, but think of how people with disabilities have felt during the pre 1900's. People today are still dealing with a lot of ableism today, but then it was to an extreme. Many of the people with disabilities were exploited to entertain the able bodied people. We see movies about this and probably read stories and seen some form of still art. These exploitations were called "Freak Shows," and most were there to be laughed at, some beaten, and to fulfill some of our sick curiosities. Many were seen as immoral or sinful, even evil or possessed. I try to imagine myself in this same time with a disability, and it really saddens me how cruel and evil man itself can be. I know I am in my own opinion privileged for my able body and I will never know the true horror and ridicule and how it feels as the people with disability do, but I can definitely feel for them in that sense.

I then look at people I know in wheelchairs or with a mental illness or anything seen as other than normal and I respect them, not because they are disabled and I feel I should in pity, but I respect them for the every day life they have to live. I respect them for pushing forward and doing their best to not let society get to them and tell them they can’t, yet as we know, they can. I then respect them for them and who they are personally. I think many people almost forget people in wheelchairs or people with a mental disability are less than human and they tend to treat them in that way. Maybe not out rite, but you can tell by their actions or the way they may stair in shock or disbelief. Then I think of how hard it may be for the disabled white man and see how tough they have it and try to really feel how it may feel being a disabled black man/woman, a woman, gay, or lesbian to name a few. How about if more than one was to interject with each other?

Now this is were I remember reading the story about Sharon who was in a head on collision and how she became paralyzed due to it. She was a lesbian with her commited partner Karen. Karen was with Sharon through the time of recover in the hospital and nursed Sharon the best she could when she was visiting. Karen more than likely knew more about Sharon and her needs than anyone else, but that did not stop Sharon's family from taking full guardianship and making it impossible for Karen and Sharon to see each other. They would say Sharon can not think for herself, or do anything for herself. They put Sharon in a home were she did not get the proper treatment for her recovery and all this in my opinion is because they did not want to let Karen see Sharon. I think if Karen was a man, then everything would be different. If The two were not in love with each other and commit ed partners, things would have been different. I believe many things would have been different. It took over three years for Karen to finally see Sharon again and over Eight years of lawsuits and court to finally get guardianship for Sharon even though Sharon clearly stated that she wanted to be with Karen.

Then you look at the story about a disabled person who made a porn video. I think what she did, was great and more need to do things like this. Not necessary everyone make a porn video, but something. Ideas like this are very productive in our society and for those who are disabled or anyone that can be looked at as "the other" in my personal opinion. It really saddened me to see towards the end of this story that a woman with a disability came to the disabled gay porn actor who was a woman as well to say "Thank you." She was so happy to see the video and thought it was never possible for people like her to be sexual or many people with disabilities are told they will never have a romantic relationship.

As far as disability and masculinity, I found it very interesting how it showed this in the movie "Murder Ball." I think most of the men in this film who were quadriplegic showed a lot of masculinity. The men all talked about girls as men tend to do whether the content is respectable or not, they showed a very competitive edge and even violence at times. Joe was a very tough loving father to his son and I find it funny in a way that the way I see his son, I see his son wanting to make his dad proud and I felt that the son feels he will never live up to his dads expectations and be as good as his father. One of the biggest things I noticed that the worry about sex and if they could still be active was one of the biggest concerns. This was very important to them. Most of these signs here on the men with disabilities show they still maintain their masculinity. If anything, they show more in ways to compensate for their disability. The actions and their doings mentioned are all different signs for masculinity.

So, I did a little more search on this and I found this clip that I got from You Tube from the MSP(The Men's Story Project)The presenter is, Leroy Franklin Moore Jr. discussing race, masculinity, sexuality and disability. Leroy Moore himself has a disability and is a black man. Watching this to me really hit it home for me and think you may appreciate it as well. Here is the video clip from his spoken word at the event and I was able to find the actual poem/spoken word he read from below the video.


man to man talk

hey you, stop stop i’m right behind you

i’m black like you my brother
yeah, the black cripple
look at me. look at me
hear this. hear this

but lets go back. born DOA, dead on arrival

caused lack of oxygen to the brain
CP cerebral palsy POC person of color
big black football player, my dad
in the waiting room, didn’t like the doctor’s news
men in white suits pumping my chest, eyes opened
welcome to the living leroy

my life
black and disabled
home was stable
adults thought i was unable

like pennies i have been
flipped dual identities
my two communities don’t want me
felt like i was homeless

my childhood haunts me
children were ruthless
racism & ableism created a mask

i continue to see single black mothers with their disabled sons
husbands gone. could not deal
mothers strong. had to be real
black disabled boys from broken homes
lingering questions. did dad leave because of me?

girlfriends not a reality
women want my advice but can’t see me as a mate
black disabled men are in a stalemate
will i die a single man?

but it’s another cold night
the isley brothers singing between the sheets
while black disabled men sleeping on the streets
sex education came from the lusty lady
it’s a lonely world

self –empowerment, self love, putting society’s attitudes on the shelf
black sisters don’t know what they are missing
she, a black woman
me, a black disabled man
we were trained to fear, compete and not talk to one another
is this why all my intimate relationships are with white women?

race plus disability divided by sexuality = huh?
i was 3\5 of a person
with a disability i’m not even on the goddamn scale
disability & masculinity? can we talk?

black masculinity has to make room for my body
ask teddy pendergrass
the black stallion of the 70’s & 80’s
regained his sexuality as a wheelchair user

now that is the true strength of a man
black disabled and masculine
morris day, what time is it? somebody bring me a mirror
cause i know i’m fine

masculinity mixing with femininity
i came from a woman and a man
my sexuality goes deeper from what you can see
but you treat me like ralph ellison’s invisible man
bumping up against our shadows

it took twenty years to walk with my head up
saying black is beautiful and
disability is gorgeous
too sexy for society’s straight jacket
wearing my sexuality on my sleeve
my body, mind and soul stepping into the spotlight

you see society tries to put me down
but you can’t keep a good man down
this is a message to all my black disabled brothers
feel your masculinity and step into your sexuality
brothers, it’s time we all had a man-to-man talk”

The myth of you cant....The reality of you can...class in America

Class in America is a very interesting matter when you truly think about it. I find it is at times not very apparent and I would have to say this is because the fact we do not even put ourselves in a position were we may know the upper or lower than our group standing in class. I do wonder how it is we do surround ourselves with people in similar class issues. Then there are a few of us who do not look at a class and stick our nose up at the lower and look up to a class higher.

Some instance of class can be because of privileges they are born with, being their family, race, and principals. Then we would have to also mention that oppression can be a big factor in being in a lower percentage of class. I wonder why people tend to avoid the class issues as I understand from our readings. I also wonder why class such as wealthy and poverty are viewed as one of several natural inevitable states of being.

I believe education is tougher to get for some than it is for others. I also believe some people have more obstacles to overcome than others, and maybe the advantage is of the wealthy class, but why should it always be this way? I also know that people i low class can achieve greatness and get out of the so called poverty state with hard work and persistence. I know myself and from others, our upbringing, or family does not trap us in the state of poor or even wealth. I feel that anyone given any situation or obstacles can achieve better than they are given. I do not believe that for some it is impossible to be better and to raise from the ground to the sky. I think everyone has the opportunity to do whatever they want. Granted, for some of us, it may be a tougher path and take a little longer, but I believe and know that we can be equal to the one given everything and in the upper class upbringing. Its all about hard work, and not taking no and you cant for an answer. One thing that really gets me is those people who are in the poverty state and still spending all they have just about on items they do not need. I see people who pay top dollar for these expensive designer clothes and expensive cars and puts all their earnings in customizing them or what not. Here is were we are seen as a middle class country and were it does mention we have the best dress poverty. Some of the people are in poverty for a reason and for a few, its because they are not wise.

I am a personal story on this and I started from no were in the streets as a teen and now I am in the upper middle as you would say and gaining. I will not stop till I am were I want to be. Nothing and no one will tell me I cant to it. I been told much of my life I will never amount to anything and I have. I done a lot in my life, seen the world, lived all over the country and joined the Navy. To make this clear though, I have seen more and lived in more places without the Navy than I have in the Navy. The Navy was my way to be here today. To get that education that I need to be were I want. In my own opinion, everyone has options and choices to make. It is how you go about it and what you do consistently to better yourself.

I also want to add the flip side to this. Many who are brought up wealthy and given everything and end up with millions or more can go the other way and end up in poverty. This has happened to many. I seen and know a few who have had it all and just blew it. They were not smart and thought they had nothing to ever worry about and they get lazy and not do anything to stay on top. I believe if you are made in that sense, you still have to be smart, careful, and in some instances work just as hard to stay there or before you know it, you will end up next door to your gardener.

So, I know we went over media and the Horatio Alger Myth which is were the little guy can end up big and the sky is the limit. I still hold on to that value myself, and I truly believe people can do just about anything if they just try and never give up and do whatever it takes in their power to succeed. I love seeing the films were the little guy is bettering himself and getting to the top.

I see myself in that position as that guy who started on the bottom through my life. I never thought I would be doing what I wanted, and here I am now in school, interning on a huge local radio show, with great potential to get hired on from how some been talking to me and talking me up for my hard work. Everything I have pursued in my life, I have accomplished. People who have known me since the beginning are very shocked with what I have accomplished. Again, from hard work and never backing down.

I will leave off here before I keep going. I can truly do pages and just about a novel on this, but I will spare the reader for now. Remember, just because you are given nothing with everything thrown against you, it does not mean you cant succeed and raise to the next class and beyond. This is a lazy and scared way of thinking. Just do it, don't talk about it.